Big shock: Law schools brag about new students

It’s that time of year again when law schools announce how great and fantastic their entering classes are. And it’s that time of year again when we, in comparison, get to feel like a loser, a slacker, a slug …

And if you’re a member of the Class of 2022 or thinking of going to law school … Well, meet your competition …

We’ll begin with a few Ivy schools. (It’s like ripping a Band-Aid off fast …)

For instance, Harvard Law School’s Class of 2022 incudes 11 Eagle Scouts, five Rhodes Scholars, two Truman Scholars and one “Survivor” contestant. 

Fifty-six languages are spoken. One incoming student was a rooftop tomato farmer, while another was a circus aerial acrobat.

The University of Pennsylvania Law School notes that its class includes “the founder and director of a community education center in rural Peru; members of the U.S. Air Force and U.S. Marine Corps; a residential and case management worker for victims of human trafficking; a zookeeper aide at Smithsonian National Zoological Park; and a legal assistant for the Flint Water Class Action legal team.”

But of course …

Columbia Law School has a spelling bee champion, a Tae kwon do champion and a cheesemonger.

The median LSAT? It’s a 172. Cheesmongers apparently are pretty bright …

OK, enough with the Ivy League. (That Band-Aid concept didn’t work out so well. Our self-esteem is taking a serious beating.)

How about the University of Oregon School of Law? According to the school, its newest class includes “several ballerinas, many musicians, Eagle Scouts, a wildland firefighter, a ballroom dancer, a child of a diplomat, a world champion roller derby player, and a Certified American Alligator handler.”

They’ve had some pretty interesting prelaw careers, too: “They have worked as cattle ranchers, poker dealers, hula hoop makers, reporters for NPR, gelato store owners, synchronized swimming coaches, teachers, law clerks, paralegals and courtroom bailiffs.”

Among the newest class at the University of Minnesota Law School are a former Miss Minnesota and a brewery operator.

At The University of Michigan Law School, one of the newest J.D. students worked as an advance associate for former First Lady Michelle Obama. In that role, he assisted the First Lady's scheduler in drafting and rewriting daily schedules, the school notes.

That’s right. Every day, he got to work in the East Wing of the White House. Now he's got to study torts. 

As noted, the schools don’t shy away from noting how special their students are. UCLA Law’s article on its incoming class had this headline: “UCLA Welcomes Exceptional New Class.” 

“Many are star athletes and creative professionals, two are Fulbright scholars, one is a commercial fisherman, one is an arborist and one is a pastor,” the article noted.

Its rival, University of Southern California Gould School of Law, had this headline: “USC Gould welcomes distinguished, distinctive, diverse — and record breaking — Class of 2022.”

The record? Most cheesemongers … Not exactly. This class has the highest median GPA ever, at 3.80. One holds a patent on an amusement park ride, while another was a Pulitzer Prize finalist.

A finalist? Big whoop.